Self Check Out The Real Salvation

lisa schantz
2 min readJun 24, 2021


It’s unbelievable that I never realized this before.

Noone talks about it. Noone will even admit it, but I have come to the realization that the self check out have nothing to do with getting out of the store quicker.

I used to grocery shop for my family and cart runneth over with oreo’s chicken nuggets, toilet paper, toothpaste, peanut butter and of course luncheables you get the point. I have always been a person who reads every label and explores each aisle of the store to find new and exciting fun foods, flavored coffee etc.

Shopping can be done in a peaceful way without children of course. “I’m going food shopping” I would yell as I grabbed my ice coffee and ran out the door.

Now these trips to the grocery store were my ME time believe it or not, occasionally bumping into someone I knew at the store. Guilty of standing in the baking goods , “ Catching Up” blocking all lanes, yes I am that annoying person.

So that is the visit to the grocery store where I don’t self check out, I wait patiently in regular service lane while reading the Enquirer and dive into Britney’s Spears emancipation or something like that.

Now let’s get to the nitty gritty of this article, the other trip to the store.

The trip to the store at 11:30 at night because you are faced with a dilemma that is private. I choose not to be specific, but I believe you follow.

These dilemmas sometimes require a cream or a pill or a syringe etc, things we buy and hide way back in the medicine cabinet so even our loved ones don’t know at our young age of 53 we need that kind of ointment…

Deny as we may when the secret is out, we do the only thing we can, and keep denying … and of course blame it on grandpa he sits for hours at a time its only natural that HE uses that type of ointment.

We can shift the attention away from us at home but how about when we go to check out at Walmart, and the check out attendant starts remarking on each item.

This brings me to my theory of self check out. I will never admit that I use that stuff, which works by the way. I deliberately purchase arbitrary items even as I check myself out to disguise my embarrassing ointment, a notebook a magazine will do.

So admit deep down your grateful that self check out exists, otherwise how would those fun items that your having a hard time coming to terms with don’t have to be explained to a complete stranger.

So here’s is to self check and those fun items we shuffle across the scanner at lightening speed to carefully shove way down in your shopping bag, so even you don’t have to deal with it, at least not until you get home and hide it again.



lisa schantz

Here and now living and breathing and smiling underneath this mask. As I see it it’s not always pretty but surely authentic and often comical.